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How Much Is Too Much?
Rob Danzman, MS, NCC, LCMHC
Four years removed from a pandemic. Well, not completely. It’s always going to be a part of our world, now. Moreover, your student is getting ready to start college. Four years ago, they were starting high school, and it certainly wasn’t like other years, was it?
I’m sure you’ve heard many people talk about the “transition” to college, and you may ask yourself, “Is that a real thing?” It sure is! Sending a student off to college is a transition for everyone, even the pets.
High school was different for your student than high school pre-Covid. They didn’t have as much social interaction with friends. Many of their classes were online. They leaned on you even more than usual because it was a scary time. All natural things.
This is a hard one. For 18 years, you’ve done almost everything for your child. Now is the time to let them fill out the scholarship forms, make their own doctor’s appointments, learn to manage money, and get a job. And something that goes along with this is giving up your access to their college portal. It was nice of them to let you have access because they probably enjoyed you showing them the financial aid channel and how to pay the bill. But, they are in college now, so let’s back away and let them share with you what they want to share.
What I mean by this is provide them with their immunization records. Give them a copy of your insurance card if they are going to stay on your insurance. They’ll need that if they use the campus health center, and encourage them to do that — it’s a terrific resource. Put together a “Get Well” kit for them. That first cold or stomach bug away from home is hard and they’ll appreciate supplies including a thermometer, over-the-counter pain medicine, cough drops, Band-Aids, antibiotic ointment, and so on — plus the reminder that you care.
College is fun, no doubt about it, but that’s a lot of pressure. Think about this. Your student phones, and they’ve failed a test; their roommate ate all their chips and won’t clean up; they aren’t making close friends; they have to study so much; their favorite shoes got ruined in the rain. If at that moment you say, “Don’t worry, these are the best years of your life,” they are thinking to themselves, “Then I’m in trouble. What am I doing wrong?” Instead, let them vent to you because you are their safe person, and give them encouraging advice and support if they ask for it. It will make their day knowing you are behind them 100%.
But not unannounced. If you surprise them, their room might be a disaster or they might not even be in town. Let them know you’re coming! Plan to take them and some friends out to dinner. If you want to know anything about your child…talk to their friends. Take advantage of the Family Weekends and Spring Weekends most colleges host on campus. These are usually organized by the Office of Family Programs, and are lots of fun.
Most colleges and universities have a family website. Get to know that site because it will have great links that you can share with your student. Introduce yourself to the staff of the Office of Family Programs. They can share a wealth of information and will be happy to answer your questions and direct you and your student to resources that can help your student. Follow your student’s school and Office of Family Programs on social media to learn about events happening on campus. Connecting with the college or university is very important to helping your student be successful.
College is a wonderful experience for your student and a time for you to cheer them on as they embark on this new chapter. Bask in the knowledge that you’ve given them the foundation they need to thrive in college and in life. Know they love you so much for what you have done and what you will continue to do for them!
