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Self-Care in College
CollegiateParent
– With contributions from Kate Gallop, Bridget Lochhead, and CollegiateParent staff
Living with a roommate is a rewarding but also challenging part of the transition to college. Harmony is possible!
Here are five tips from upper-level students.
Many students assume their roommate assignment will make or break their first year, imagining best- and worst-case scenarios (and everything in between). Try to enter your new living situation with optimism and openness. College is a new experience for everyone and, if nothing else, your first-year roommate is someone who can help you feel less lonely during your adjustment.
“If you shake off your expectations, you’ll have a more natural and positive relationship. I loved my first-year roommate, but even my friends who didn’t love theirs learned more about themselves and learned to live with others in the process.”
Unspoken expectations are at the root of a lot of conflict. Be prepared to make your needs clear while also remaining open to your roommate’s preferences. If you didn’t already complete a roommate agreement, covering things like cleanliness, quiet hours, visitors, etc., now’s the time. Your RA can be a great resource for advice and conflict resolution if needed.
“My roommate stayed up later than me most nights, and I had a hard time sleeping with her desk light on. Finally, I asked if she could go to the common room on our floor to study if I was trying to sleep. She was really understanding, and it made living with her a lot easier.”
For some people, college is the first time sharing a room. Behaviors that seem harmless to one person can be annoying for another. In the first few weeks, as you and your roommate establish a routine, you should be prepared to make some compromises. There are lots of little things you can do to show consideration to your roommate:
→ Use headphones when they are in the room.
→ Ask before borrowing things.
→ Take out the trash before it smells.
→ Don’t snooze your alarm repeatedly.
→ Ask if it’s okay before taking a call.
→ Check in before bringing other people into the room.
“The residence hall was a big part of my happiness in my first year. I met my closest friends because we all lived across the hall from each other. Existing in close quarters with people navigating the exact same stage of life is such a rare bonding experience!”
Living with someone is very different from being friends. Some of the best roommate relationships are between students who don’t have a lot in common but respect each other and live well together regardless.
“At the start of my first year, my roommate and I would go to events and grab food together, but as the year progressed we met more people, made different friends, and hung out less. Even then, it was so nice to come back to my room and have someone to talk to about my day.”
One of the best things about starting college is having a full campus to explore. You can try the food in different dining halls and experiment with various places to study. On that subject, most students find that it’s easier to concentrate if they study outside of their residence hall. Preserving your room as a place where you can relax is also beneficial, and leaving the room during the day to spend time away from roommates can make getting along easier.
“Get to know your roommate, but get to know other people, too. Find clubs or activities to do that aren’t with your roommate so that you both have space and alone time in your room.”
Campus housing staff know that the first semester of college can be a nerve-wracking time for parents not used to being apart from their kids. We’re there for you even as we encourage you to step back a bit to show confidence and trust in your student. Giving them space to develop into the person they desire to become is one of the goals of higher education.
A few things it can be helpful to understand about residential life:
→ If a student experiences a problem, housing staff will not contact parents; it’s the student’s responsibility to communicate with their family.
→ Housing staff can call parents for drug- and alcohol-related issues or when a student is a danger to themselves or others.
→ Residential life staff do not keep tabs on students and can not give parents access to a student’s room.
→ You will worry less if you take time during these early days of college to make a plan with your student about how often you’ll text or talk.
College is a time of growth, and campus housing is the perfect supportive space for this growth to happen. Your student will learn to do things on their own, whether it’s doing laundry or navigating a roommate conflict.
– LaTrina Rogers
