The Essential Student-Parent Conversations

Scott Sager

During a dash to Home Depot on move-in day with just the two of us in the car, I made my daughter put down her phone and listen as I told her two things: she could call for help, any time, no matter what; and she could bring anyone home as long as they treated her respectfully.

To me, these were the most important messages I could give her to start college and an independent life.

Every parent has something they want their student to take with them — that fundamental nugget of advice or wisdom, a skill or perspective that will help them survive their first year on campus. In addition to thinking about what to tell them is when and how. Move-in day with its distractions and emotions isn’t necessarily the right time for laundry tips or the “make good choices” speech. Luckily, you’ll be staying in touch. Think through what’s vital for your student to know and most important for you to share. Dole out these messages after they’re settled, by phone call, text, or whatever way you two communicate. Keep the conversations going all year long.

When I asked parents to share their top survival tips, their advice clustered around these important categories:

Academic Success

No matter their achievement level in high school, students face new challenges in college, whether it’s a particularly demanding class, managing homework, or having to meet general education requirements that don’t appeal to them.

Tips for Students:

→ Go to class. Talk with professors and TAs in real life. Don’t over-rely on ChatGPT! (And on that subject, be conscientious about abiding by the school’s, and each professor’s, rules about using AI for your classwork.)

→ Don’t get behind in your work.

→ It’s alright to get help, so use available resources like tutors and the campus writing center.

→ Treat college like it’s your job, at least a little.

Social Life

Social life has a huge impact on the college experience of even the most serious student. They will rub elbows with people from different backgrounds and be confronted by new values and ideas.

Tips for Students:

→ Join something — anything!

→ Get out of your room and turn off your screens.

→ Be willing to be challenged by, and to challenge, new friends.

→ Leave your comfort zone — eat with new hallmates or stay after a class for an impromptu discussion.

→ Take time to really get to know people before judging them.

Life Skills

No matter how independent they were in high school, students deal with new tasks and responsibilities at college.

Tips for Students:

→ Manage your money carefully — pay attention to bank fees and don’t drop below the minimum balance on your debit card.

→ Try to do your laundry and change your sheets and towels once a week.

→ Read and respond promptly to your emails.

→ Ask for help — you won’t know how to do everything.

Self-Care

Stress can take many forms at college. Students often ignore symptoms of illness or signs that pressures are taking a toll. The ups and downs of relationships can make life an emotional roller coaster.

Tips for Students:

→ Get some alone time every day.

→ Go to the health center before you get sick, just to check it out (and you will get sick, so don’t ignore symptoms).

→ Prioritize sleep — give up a party if you’re really tired.

→ When you feel overwhelmed, ask for help from a friend, your RA, or even a professor. Drop by the counseling center.

→ Expect and show respect in your intimate relationships. Take care of your sexual health.

→ Last but not least: stay connected with home.

Safety

Starting college means a new environment and new situations. Campus safety guidelines will be shared at orientation and move-in, but it’s good to revisit this topic periodically.

Tips for Students:

→ Always lock your dorm room and secure your valuables; register valuables with serial numbers (electronics, bikes, etc.) with campus police.

→ Don’t let anyone without a student ID into the residence hall. 

→ Review campus emergency procedures and sign up for emergency alerts.

→ Use the buddy system — stick with your friends at parties and don’t let a friend leave a party alone or with someone they don’t know. (Use the buddy system when taking public transportation, Uber and Lyft, too.) 

→ Make use of campus security escorts and safe rides.

→ Take advantage of safety and self-defense training on campus and in the community.

Scott Sager

Read more by Scott Sager

Scott Sager, a freelance writer living in Brooklyn, New York, is the father of two daughters, one in college and the other a recent graduate. With past lives as a social worker, preschool teacher and at-home dad, he brings a broad perspective to varied topics touching on family life, child development and education. He definitely gets how unpredictable the adventure of raising children can be and how every bit of information and each connection can help parents along the way.